davidclarke.org

After going through the worst week of my life, (no details ever), I feel the juice flowing back to my balls for more than one reason. I have done the impossible. I survived last week. Things changed on Wednesday out of the blue. It’s gotten easier since then. It’s only UP from here. When this is all over, I really think I need to put pen to paper and get my story, all of it, out there. In the meantime, things are getting better one little thing at a time. And I’m so fucking proud of myself.

She called me tonight and we spoke for the first time in about two days. We had a great conversation to say the least. We are going to remain friends – and only friends – unless I screw it up and bring up the topic of getting back together with her. I told her that I would not bring it back up with her and in fact I was no longer interested in getting back together with her which is about 85% true at this point. She’s a different person to me now and I don’t see her the same way I saw her a week ago. I know, that sounds weird but it’s true. She’s just “different” now. I can’t really explain it. I still love her, but not “love” “love” her. You know? I still care about her. That hasn’t changed and I don’t know when and if it will.

Anyway, we had a really great talk. We shared some laughs and it was just good to catch up with each other. It was nice to hear her voice and talk to her. But the really great news came when she told me that I could still send her stories from Google Reader like I used to (I stopped since last week when we broke up)! She always used to tell me how much she liked getting the news sent to her because she said she knew what kind of stuff she liked to read.

She’s a great girl and going forward I think everything is going to work out just fine.

For a change of pace, I decided to hang out with my neighbors tonight and damn are they some cool ass people. I had met them before but never talked to them for this long before. I was able to talk to one of the guys in particular who strangely enough was able to relate to my current situation. It really felt good to be able to just let my feelings out without crying and balling my eyes out. Basically, it was nice to socialize with a bunch of guys. I hadn’t done it in such a long time that I forgot how much fun it was. Networking is a great thing. It’s a shame I’m going to be moving at the end of September because I’ve never really been close to any neighbors where I’ve lived but that’ll be something I do differently wherever I end up next.